I’m breaking up with food, everyone. I can’t do it anymore. The seductive call of a slice of pizza (or two, or three), the temptation of the plate of cookies at work, the need to snack while watching t.v. or reading. It’s way past time for this relationship to be over.
But seriously, after my gastric sleeve surgery, my relationship with food has drastically changed. If I’m being perfectly honest, there’s no enjoyment in eating anymore. On one hand, that’s a good thing. That was the point of the surgery; to break my addiction to food. Like I tell myself anytime temptation rears its ugly head, I’ve had enough cake, soda, and deep fried everything to last me a lifetime. There’s absolutely no need to continue eating the way I was eating. This whole process has forced me to look at food completely differently. As fuel and not comfort. As a necessity and not a luxury.
Going out to eat was and is especially difficult. The first time a friend asked me out to breakfast after my surgery, my immediate response was no. I couldn’t imagine sitting at the table, opening a menu of food I couldn’t eat, and enjoying myself. Add on to that the fact that I’d be done with my meal after two bites. In the end it turned out okay, but I’m still wary of going to restaurants and eating out in general. It’s only been 3 months since my surgery, so I know it’ll get easier as the months go by.
The hardest part about this breakup? I can’t bake anymore, which was something I enjoyed immensely. My little side cupcake business is on hiatus until I can figure out what to do and how to move forward. The things that I used to enjoy, coming home and making a meal, baking cupcakes for coworkers, and just sitting down to a meal in general have all gone away.
I don’t want this to be a sad post though..because it’s not. After every breakup, there’s the denial, maybe some backslide, but you realize that everything happens for a reason and that you’re better off without the person, so I’m going to go into the future knowing that this is the best thing for me. That my reasons for going through this whole process outweigh the momentary contentment of a plate of pasta. But damn pasta, why do you have to look so good??
(header photo credit: Brooke Lark)